Before I start today’s topic, I want to say that I was in Auburn recently to visit my mom and got some great feedback on my column. Your opinion as a reader is important to me, so please send your thoughts and comments to the email address provided at the end of this column. I will be delighted to hear from you.

Today’s topic in my series “Setting Up Things the Same in Every Home to Reduce Childhood Confusion” is “Bedtime and Morning Routine.”

All of the topics in this series are so important because of how they can affect and confuse children in the midst of separation or divorce, or high-conflict co-parenting. It is also important to note that confusion for the child(ren) about each of these topics that I share in this series is or could be the result of co-parenting not playing well and may co-parenting in a way that is less respectful and responsible.

For co-parents with young children (children ages one to eight) who attend my workshop, the bedtime and morning routine is one of the biggest co-parent complaints.

Why do you think it is like that?

How could a bedtime and morning routine create havoc in a co-parenting relationship?

The answer is that anger and emotion get in the way. Anger and emotion prevent co-parents from having a discussion about how to reduce confusion for their child(ren) who are in the middle of their adult issues. Usually the co-parents can’t even (or won’t) ask the other what they’re doing at home, to maybe implement something “similar” to lessen any confusion for their child(ren) (s).

Reducing confusion regarding one or more children’s bedtime and morning routine is also an important topic for any visitation schedules or childcare arrangements. The importance of this does not diminish due to different schedules and arrangements.

Here is an example of a bedtime and morning routine in two different homes that might be confusing for the child or children.

Perhaps a house is very structured and routine and is perhaps what some would consider normal routine. Maybe the bedtime routine consists of brushing your teeth, having a drink, reading a little to relax, then shutting down to end the day, ending the day happy and calm. Maybe the morning routine is just as structured, not rushed, enough time for breakfast, getting dressed, brushing teeth, going to school, work and daycare, allowing to start the day happy and calm.

For the other home bedtime routine of the child or children, there may not be a structure or routine. Perhaps there is even resistance from the child or children even when told it is time for bed, resulting in screaming and a very ending to the day. unpleasant because of emotion. Maybe it’s common in that other unstructured house with no routine to oversleep. Can you relate? I can’t find your child’s shoes and school bag, I was going to get up early to help your child finish his homework, but I can’t do it anymore because I’m late, I don’t have time for lunch , I screamed to hurry get up and rush out the door in hopes of not being late for school, daycare or work.

These examples are so relevant. Many in my workshop nod because they recognize their “routine” or lack of routine and structure in these examples. I too recognize myself in each of these examples. As a mother of three adult daughters, I can tell you it was a lot easier when there was structure and a routine in my house for bedtime and morning routine, which made for a good start of the day and a beautiful end of the day. .

For separated and divorced (co-parenting) couples, in this sample subject “bedtime and morning routine,” the confusion is that one household is structured and the other is not.

Again, it’s important to remember throughout your co-parenting that you have one house, but your children have two houses. While working toward a goal of what you can consider respectful and responsible co-parenting, co-parenting in a way that creates the least confusion for your child(ren). Whatever that means for you and your co-parenting situation. If you recognize yourself in these examples, or recognize that your child(ren) are in the midst of unpleasant or confusing circumstances in your co-parenting, then you know that change would be needed to achieve “least confusion for the child”. (ren)”, and also to arrive at a place of respectful and responsible co-parenting.

I am a co-parenting educator and co-parenting coach and welcome any questions you may have about how to begin to shift to this type of co-parenting dynamic. Do not hesitate to contact us.

I hope you are all having a great week.

Kari Clemmer, A graduate of DeKalb High School, is an author and instructor of The Co-Parenting Workshop and teaches court-ordered co-parenting education and is a co-parenting coach in Dallas. Email [email protected] with questions or comments.